Ten black roses given me by my Lucifer's angel
by NorthernShinigami
Summary: I'm a selfish jerk,I know it. Maybe if I wasn't,It wouldn't have been ended this way,but it's happened,and now he's coming to take me.I deserve this,so I would gladly go,that's why I'm waiting... to be taken by my fallen angel. Friendship, angst, tragedy


**Disclaimer**: I don't own bleach or the song **'Ten black roses'** by 'The Rasmus'

**Starring**: Ikkaku, Yumichika. deep friendship (not romance), angst, tragedy. **Two-shot**!

* * *

_**Life is like a boat in a bottle,  
Try to sail- you can't with no air..  
Day by day it only gets harder,  
Try to scream but nobody cares..**_

He watched grim gathering clouds on the grey-blue purple and a bit of orange-red tinted twilight skies, As the gleaming sun was sinking deep into the never ending ocean, indicating the end of another flawless day for the sailors at the floating ship with the old-fashioned big sails, that wasn't exactly only a fishing boat.

Amongst them was the watcher, a glum-looking bald with brown pants, dirty white undershirt and army-style bandanna, leaning against a floor- squeegee and staring to the beautiful shady horizon and feeling a cool breeze tickle against his skin under the thin fabric.

He remembered the first time he was sick few years after he met him. Really sick, not just injured. At that time in Rukongai he was a one dumb reckless imbecile. Being an idiot who's only wanted to get stronger and fight to death, he wandered from district to district, frustrated raging punk who searched for blood-spill.

He Didn't appreciated Yumichika's care, or rather- the man's attempts to treat him as a sick patient. The bald was moving when he shouldn't, swearing, furious for being weak, for lying down in bed when he should be outside, fighting. furious on Yumichika for forcing him to stay in bed and sulking-ignoring the violet-eyed man's attempts to feed him. Of course the said man snapped at him more then once, but never left, always by his side, still trying to treat him, even though the bald reject it.

Truly, he didn't understood why this beautiful, nurtured, well-mannered man stayed and traveled with him, dirtying these pretty face of his. He still doesn't understand.

How did they even met? Ikkaku only remembered he had been beaten almost to death by some big thugs some year in the winter and being thrown to the raging river.....he only knew he had been rescued by Yumichika.

The truth is, Ikkaku didn't remembered much from this meeting, and he or no one else asked, either. It was only that time that the violet-eyed man brought up the issue, when they've had stayed in the real world and heard this certain song on the radio.

_**Through the glass you see the same faces,  
Hear their voices fade like a drone..  
When your life's a boat in a bottle,  
You're surrounded drifting alone..**_

_"well....isn't that ironic......." _

_The softness in his companion's voice was what made the bald to raise his eyes from the magazine and look at the man. They set on the roof of Karakura high-school, listening to a radio and reading magazines in the orange-red light of the sunset with blowing breeze on their backs and faces. _

_"What's ironic?" _

_"The song of course....." Somehow, Yumichika's voice drifted as he nostalgically gazed to the far red-tinted horizon with matching-painted clouds._

_For a moment the bald watched the wind blowing on his friend's pretty face, mussing and rising his hair a bit upward to cover his face, though he still could see the odd unclear glint in his shining violet orbs- and he turned his gaze back to the magazine._

_"Well, this song is a little dark, don't 'cha think? I mean, 'ts all about black roses and stuff..."_

_"And the first verse...'Try to sail- you can't with no air..'...."_

_"Yeah...seriously, why humans can't write cheerful songs? like winning a battle or, how 'bout sake?..I know it's only a song but still..."_

_Then Ikkaku wasn't sure what he said that made him snap like that, but in his vision's range he could see Yumichika's head sharply turn to glare at him. But when he spoke after half a minute, it wasn't with anger, just a bit sadness in silent echoing tone, still drift in thoughts._

_"....You really...don't remember, do you?...."_

_He raised his gaze again with an eyebrow. "Remember what?"_

_But the fifths face lightened and softened as he started to chatter with sing-song voice. "Well then, if it's 'just a song'..." Was it just him, or did he heard mocking in this sentence? "Why not to check it out?" he finished with big grin._

_"....Huh?....how?"_

_"I'll leave you black roses, how else?"_

_The third seat snarled. "Everyone can do that, 'ts not big deal" But the other continued to grin and then Ikkaku remembered that Yumichika wasn't some Idiot or retarded like most members of the their division. "What's the catch?"_

_"Why, I'll do it after I die of course. Then we'll see if it's true or not!" _

_"Don't be stupid! you'll be reincarnated after you die, remember? you won't remember anything. And don't speak of such things, it'll bring bad luck."_

_"What are you talking about? we're shinigami in the eleventh division, people die every day." The other said like the bald said something utterly absurd- which was true._

_"Arr...good point..."_

_But the violet-eyed man only sighed and walked away._

_Ikkaku said nothing._

_**Don't leave me now,  
Stay another day,  
With me..!**_

No, he didn't remember. He didn't want to remember.

How can one not remember the first meeting with his best friend?...

"...Best friend hah?....." The bald sighed against his broom. "Some friend I am..........."

Ikkaku Didn't want to remember.

Why? because he was weak? because he was ashamed to be saved by some pretty-face dirt-afraid narcissist?

That's exactly why. Because he was ashamed at that day, for been weak and reaching to a point where he needed saving- he still was an idiot at that time...and as time passed, there was only him and his best friend, being with him as far as he remembered.

Yumichika was the one who changed him first. Somehow he stopped being such a heated jerk and gained some brains- not much though, he still searched for fights- but as years passed, the difference was noticed.

The second change was by Zaraki Kenpachi.......but somehow, the bald fighter appreciated only his captain.

It was mostly ironic; Ikkaku hadn't valued life much back then, It only changed after meeting Zaraki. But then he decided that he wanted to die in a battle while serving under Zaraki-taicho of the eleventh squad.

No. He didn't value his own life even then, while fighting over the pillar. He was selfish bastard that only cared for others not to finds out his secret and only cared for his wish, he hadn't thought of what would happen if the pillar was to be shattered, and he hadn't thought of shattering hearts of others if he was to die.

Yes, it was ironic, 'cause he didn't thought if someone would shatter for loosing him.........or that he would shatter himself for loosing someone precious himself.

The bald sighed again, dipped the floor-rag in the water, squeezed it, put it on the squeegee and continued to wash the ship's deck.

And after being such a selfish lying bastard- he even dared to look that way on his precious fallen one just becaouse he lied about his Zanpakuto?!

The floor-squeegee broke in his palms.

_**When you're sad,  
And no one knows it,  
I'll send you,  
Black roses..  
When your heart's,  
Dark and frozen,  
I will send you,  
Black roses...**_

He threw the broken squeegee into the two-meter square garbage-can on the board and stumbled to the small closet with the cleaning supplies. The other attenders of the deck said nothing. After a one year on this ship with him they'd learned three things about the bald newcomer:

One: no point trying to speak to him from twilight till sundown; he would just walk around, do his cleaning or some other job he's assigned to (while breaking supplies), like dull lifeless zombie.

Two: no point asking what he's doing on this ship; every time someone would ask him that he would only say that he is waiting. And when someone pushed farther, he would just walk away, no meter if someone would call him a coward or mock him and his head. The same when he was asked if he has someone special or friends back home (he told them he from Karakura), he wouldn't answer. Sometimes they tried to reveal this informatin by force; threatening him or charging at him. It was only a joke though, while drinking booze, making a bet that if he'll lose in the fight he would speak, but that was mostly how they learned the third thing about Madarame Ikkaku:

They had no Chance beating him in fight. Even if they all would combine forces. Not even the slightest chance. And as for drinking contest, he just wouldn't compete. Not that anyone could actually force him to anyway.

He wouldn't tell anyone the truth.

It's not like he's going to stay on this ship forever, he just knew he wont.

There is a reason he's there.

He's waiting for him to come.

_**Far away we wait for each other,  
I'm still on that road to nowhere..  
Kiss yourself for me in the mirror,  
Tie a black rose into your hair..**_

The sun has sunken into the ocean completely now, switching places with big pale glowing orb named moon. The grim clouds from before disappeared from the horizon like have never been there in the first place, leaving indigo skies extending to an no-end, and bright stars shining up above.

He looked down from the ship's banister to the infinite deep black-blue water. There's no strong wind, no waves, no storm, everything seemed calm and peaceful.

And as darkness, despair and shame still filled his lungs and heart, crushing and squeezing his soul inside out, He loathed this peacefulness with all of his might.

He knew he doesn't deserve this calmness.

_**Don't lose your faith..  
Share another night..  
With me..**_

He remembered coming back to Soul-Society, a funeral which he didn't attend to, and whole days of seclusion. He didn't eat or drink, only sitting in the dark closed area and staring no nothing in dull darken eyes.

He wouldn't drink booze and wouldn't fight, he wouldn't speak to anyone and wouldn't get out of his room for a whole week. His friends tried to cheer him up and encourage him to get out, telling him 'that Ayasegawa wouldn't want that' and he probably would have said that 'it's not beautiful to drown in depression' and that he would want him to continue his life and beat hollows's asses for him or something of that sort, although Zaraki and Yachiru told them at first to leave him and let him solve this on his own.

They wasn't sure what the captain and his lieutenant meant, but Ikkaku knew, and the said captain and lieutenent too. after all, they were there when that happened.

Even a talk from Iba or the admired mighty captain of the eleventh didn't help, not that this talk was so optimistic. It was quite grim little chat that seemed to drown him even more deep into despair. Eventually he was dragged out of his room by two medic on stretcher to the fourth division to save him from dehydration and high fever after a two weeks of depression without food and water.

He had started to hallucinate and dream.

And by a dream, it was only after his precious friend's death that he fully remembered their very first encounter.

_**When you're sad,  
And no one knows it,  
I'll send you,  
Black roses..  
When your heart's,  
Dark and frozen,  
I will send you,  
Black roses..**_

_It was a kick to his left rib cage, near the heart. And damn it hurt. And it was only a tiny addition to the cuts, bruises, open wounds and broken bones on his tattered beaten body. He didn't have the forces or sources to fight, let along stand, so he just lied like a motionless battered corpse, except he still could scream and crumble in pain and be tossed around like lifeless doll. _

_The sun was setting and the sky painted shades of orange and red that still could be seen through thick dark clouds. The storm raged and roiled full forced and the battered figure on the ground could hear faint thunders and men's laughter and roars through his ringing ears and chiming head and paralyzed burning limbs._

_He stopped rolling around, which meant they'd stopped kicking him, or maybe he had just passed out so he wont feel anything...likely not; the pain and frozen burns were still there. Then he felt himself being pulled up, a feeling little like floating....no, someone, they, had thrown him- literally._

_He landed on some hard, yet soft fluid surface. He felt sinking in, enfolded with light cooling sensation, that soon turned freezing. He tried to take a breath, but instead of air his lungs filled with substance not suited for breathing. He tried to open his eyes but saw only red-blue spots and darkness. He couldn't move, And he begin to spin and carried away unwillingly._

_He knew he was thrown into a raging river in a peak of a storm and was drowning._

_And he couldn't save himself._

_the grate Madarame Ikkaku was dying. _

_And it was then that he felt it; lungs filled with water, but being pulled up. Or down was it? He realy didn't know. But he was pulled to a certain direction._

_One direction._

_**Ten black roses...**_

_**Ten black roses...**_

_Crawling to the surface, solid surface, he chocked blood and water out of his lungs to replace it with the so-blessed air._

_The sun was on the edge of horizon's landscape's beauty, and the last dim lights of yellow-orange sunset fall upon two dark-gleaming iris's orbs staring into his, full of exhaustion and concern- for who?..._

_Something in this man's expression, the worry in his eyes.........the figure kneeling on four infront of him, dark violet strands felling over his shoulders and delicate facial features, azure kimono tinted with red bloodstains...._

_His blood._

_..........Something in this man; his appearance, his actions...his eyes...the blood......made him think of angel's._

_Black angel. Dark angel._

_They silently stared at each other deep in the eyes. It was then when Something floated and landed delicately on the ground between them._

_"........................*Kurobara....huh...it suits you...."  
_

_**life is like a boat in the bottle,  
Try to sail- you can't with no air..  
Day by day ït only gets harder,  
Try to scream but nobody cares..**_

After he woke up in the fourth, it was twilight again. And It was one of the only two things he saw as he looked out of the window.

The second thing was a single black floating petal passing by.

The petal leaded him to the gate to the living world, where a single black rose was presented in the front. So he went through the gate.

The second rose led to Urahara's shop, to pick up his Gigay........and so on.

Nine black roses leading him to somewhere, and then was the tenth.

He knew it was the last one, the end of the journey, when the tenth rose led him to a harbor of a small town.

One look at the ship's inscription and he knew this was it.

It was twilight.

Sundown.

**_When you're sad,  
And no one knows it,  
I'll send you,  
Black roses.._**

They say fallen angels coming out at twilight. being angels of heaven's kingdom, belonging to the light, and being fallen, belonging to the dark. Day and night, outcasts of both realms, and what is the best moment to appear then in between?

And Ikkaku would go to the end of the world if it means he could be taken away by his fallen angel.

Even to on an ominous boat called _'Lucifer's angel'_, because that is exactly what he's waiting for.

_**When your heart's,  
Dark and frozen,  
I will send you,  
Black roses...**_

He didn't cry then. He wouldn't cry now.

After all, that is his punishment for staining his hands with the blood of his own angel.

_**Ten black roses........**_

* * *

*Kurobara is black rose. kuro-black. bara-rose.

I think there's to much: orange, red and breeze and stuff, but had decided to leave it like this. Also, there's a second lyrics version to this song that says instead:' _Hear their voices fade like a drone' _it's : hear they voices _play a fade drum_.' ....common people! some logic please?! it doesn't even sounds right! play a fade drum?!...(there's also a version with :_'voices fade like they're drown'_, but I'm not deaf (no offense), and I can't hear any 'they're' in this line.)

review?


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